“I'd like to thank the media for attending the second official press conference. I am the head coach - The Amazing Brain-o. As we embark on our very first playoff game this week against the Packers, I thought this would be a good time to answer any questions you may have.
Roth:
“Sally Roth, Time magazine. Your team has struggled of late, losing two of their last three games. Are you concerned with stopping Brett Favre and that passing attack?"
Brain-o:
“Of course! As every coach knows, the number one thing you have to do is stop the pass. You cannot win games if you do not stop the pass."
Lauer:
“What about stopping the run?"
Brain-o:
“And YOU are? "
Lauer:
“Rex Lauer, USAToday. Are you concerned with Ahman Green and the Packers running game?"
Brain-o:
“Without a doubt! You cannot win in this league until you stop the run. Once you stop the run, then you can attack the quarterback. That's how you win football games."
Lauer:
“Didn't you just say stopping the pass was the number one priority?"
Brain-o:
“And YOU are? "
Lauer:
“I already told you I"m Rex Lauer!"
Brain-o:
“Well, Rex, if you knew anything at all about football you'd know that DEFENSE wins championships, not offense. Everybody knows that. You hear it all the time. All the time. "
Crockett:
“Jack Crockett, CBS Sportsline.com. The most dominant player on defense appears to be defensive tackle Tor Johnson. Are you concerned that Packers Pro-Bowl right guard Marco Rivera will neutralize him, giving Favre all kinds of time to throw? "
Brain-o:
“... I wasn't until just now! Thanks a lot! (Mumbles to himself) Geez, what are we gonna do? Tor's the best defensive guy we've got! Oh, man... "
Crockett:
“Well, you could try blitzing him with linebackers or defensive backs?"
Brain-o:
“Nah, that won't work. " (Brain-o sulks)
Crockett:
“Why is it that only some of your players are b-movie actors and the rest of the roster is made up of "ordinary" guys?"
Brain-o:
(springs to life) “Ah! I wondered when someone would notice that! You see, these b-movie actors (some long dead) are only brought here through the power of my large, atomic, mutated brain that you now see perched atop my head. And although I would love to be able to create an entire roster of b-movie characters, even the power of my incredible brain is limited. So unfortunately, there's only the nine of them."
Lauer:
“Ten of them."
Brain-o:
"Pardon?"
Lauer:
“You said 'nine', but you actually have ten b-movie actors on your roster."
Brain-o:
(Counts on his fingers) “You're right, my mistake! You can see how much strain all this has been. I'm keeping five players going on my occipital lobe alone. (pauses) Hold on, I'm receiving a disturbance (concentrates). Yep, Chaney and Kiel are going at it again, I've gotta go. OK, well thanks for dropping by. Uh,....go Atomic Monsters! Whoo! (runs off)
