La Nave de los Monstruos (1960) La Nave de los Monstruous is the first Mexican b-movie I've ever reviewed. And while its possible to follow the basic storyline without subtitles, this review wouldn't be nearly as complete without the help of fellow monster fan John Bernhard who graciously sent me a fan-edited version with English subtitles! So thanks to him and those who anonymously subtitled an entire movie for the betterment of all b-moviedom. I, myself, don't understand Spanish. And it's the fault of my teachers back in high school who made this bad decision: they let me make decisions for myself. A bad idea even to this day. The first of two poor decisions was letting me choose between taking an English literature class or American lit. For some reason I felt anything European would be better than anything dumb ol' American. Because of that logic, I never got the chance to paddle a kayak down the Hudson River with Huckleberry Sawyer and his big, black buddy, The Green Mile convict John Coffee (I believe Huck and John were two heads that shared one body with one head played by football great Rosey Grier.) Once deeply entrenched in Mr. Hopwood's European lit class, I discovered you don't just read Shakespeare, you have to study to be able to understand Shakespeare! So I basically enrolled myself in a class where I had to study twice. This is what happens when I make decisions for myself.
I made the second poor decision choosing between Spanish class or French class. (Apparently, the school board decided I had completely mastered the English language and I had nothing left to learn. Granted, by the mid 80s, I had dozens of English words down cold, most of them contained in the classic insult comebacks, "I know you are, but what am I?” and "So's your face." I really wanted to learn Italian because I would marvel at how my dad and grandparents could yell at each other just as my forefathers had done in the Old Country. I knew they also used swear words because, after yelling certain phrases they would smirk with enjoyment at what they had gotten away with – swearing in public in a way no one else could understand. And I really wanted a piece of that action! To this day, I don't remember why I chose French over Spanish but (and I'm being serious here) because I was a huge fan of The Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Show on Saturday mornings, it's altogether possible that I mortgaged 2 years of my academic life just so that I could sound like Pepe Le Pew. What was I thinking? Did I believe that one day America would receive a huge influx of French-speaking people? Was I worried that so many French Canadians would sneak across the border that the U.S. would contemplate building a giant fence extending from British Columbia to Nova Scotia? Watch this 3-minute video titled, "French Godzilla T-shirt" (shot at Disney's EPCOT Center) to find out how much I absorbed after 2 years of Madame Glarner's French class (but don’t forget to come back here when it's over!)
La Nave de los Monstruos begins with a picture of the moon. The narrator says, “This is the universe.” (No, it's actually just the moon). He continues, “An atom is infinitely small.” (Well, not “infinitely,” since an atom can be measured – Geez, I hope this isn't a filmstrip they showed in Mexican science classes!) The narrator continues, “Man dreams of departing the Earth and leaving his seed (ew!) on a distant planet and starting a new race." That's how you start a race? – just leaving "seed" everywhere? And here I thought it required human beings. But apparently it's like starting a new lawn.
The narrator continues, "Let's go on a characteristically dark night.” (That's true – nights are characteristically dark.) The movie informs us that the last male on Venus has died. (Boy, I'll bet he wasn't very good looking! The phrase, “I wouldn't marry you if you were the last man on Earth” would make him the Venusian equivalent of Carrot Top!) So the Venus council decides to kidnap the best male from every planet in the galaxy and the best of that lot will mate with beautiful Venusian women (Those not chosen create a new term - "Venus envy.") This mission, vital to the future of Venus, rests in the silky-smoothe hands of Gamma, played by former Miss Mexico beauty queen Ana Bertha Lepe. And let me tell you something: Miss Lepe may be a beauty queen but she’s got the acting chops to star in any big-budget Hollywood blockbuster! Wait, I’m sorry – while I was saying those words I was actually thinking, "any tele-novela aired on the Telemundo channel. At 3 in the morning." Kidnapping seems like a lot of trouble to find a mate for Gamma and her gals. Why not just do this?:
The supreme boss lady of Venus (known as the Regent of Venus) appoints another beauty named Beta to be the navigator. Beta is played by Lorena Velazquez, another former Miss Mexico (Hmm...casting couch? Nah.). Beta is not a Venusian but rather a resident from the Planet of Shadows, where she is considered their best pilot. After all, who better to entrust your planet's most important mission than with someone from the Planet of Shadows? Wouldn't it be better to get the second-best pilot from the Planet of Sunshine and Rainbows? So basically, the mission to find desirable males rests in the hands of hot chicks wearing bathing suits and high heels. That's like asking Matthew McConaughey to come back with the location of Planet Cannabis.
As the curvaceous space ladies slink into their seats wearing Council-issued one-piece swimwear, we learn a little about the Vensusian space program. For instance, Gamma's uniform features a shoulder epaulette that looks like it's made of mangled pipe cleaners. And we learn that Venusian astronauts have a strange way of securing themselves for a launch. They have no belts to strap themselves in but rather lay their heads back and, with eyes remaining open, put themselves into a state of boredom. Conjointly, this scene has the same effect on me. Joining the ladies is a clunky, furnace-shaped robot named Tor. In this black and white movie, Tor appears to be the color of silver or metal. But if this movie was made in 1960, he's probably an avocado green or mustard yellow. Although a bit mobile-challenged on his large, square feet, Tor is undeniably handy to have around with only one exception: he constantly makes an irritating sound that combines a slide whistle with a penny rattling in a can. And it never stops. Ever. It isn't just when he moves, it's all the time. And I don’t care if he dispenses Dairy Queen Butterfinger Blizzards, if it were me in that command chair, I’d lure him into the air lock and jettison him into deep space. Tor makes an announcement, and I quote, “The left motor has lost two tons.” (See – that's the "undeniable handy" part I was referring to.) Now that sort of news would normally cause one’s eyebrows to raise. Gamma and Beta merely smirk at one another as if to say, "That silly robot and his advanced knowledge of rocket ships." They happily go back to making sure the big gyroscope in the background is still spinning. Suddenly the ship begins to shake. Apparently something's wrong with the left motor. (Who saw THAT coming?)"
In the back of the ship is a small prison filled with hideous, male aliens they've already captured from other worlds. Each is frozen in a block of ice created by Beta's "Command Belt." The Command Belt seems to be an all-powerful device that can do just about anything. It really isn't a belt at all but rather a box shape that resembles a valentine box kids make in grade school where you start with a Kleenex box and glue crap to it. Gamma carries it on a strap over her shoulder like a purse. Tor announces they must conduct an emergency landing on Earth. He says that before the men on his planet died (geez, what's with all the men in the universe dying?!) they wanted to explore Earth but decided it was not worth it. (Oh, you did not just dis Earth! Oh, no you di’nt!) By the way, in the time it took Tor to tell that story, Beta has already left the ship for a spacewalk, repaired the ship from the outside and is now back in her seat. The fastest space ship repair in history! Tor says that Earthlings do not know what they want and do not want to enjoy. I disagree. Right now I want a coffee and a donut. And I want to enjoy them. So up yours, Tor. Concerned their fiery, re-entry into Earth's atmosphere will overheat the ship, they simply engage "emergency cooling." The rocket ship lands in Chihuhua, Mexico where we meet a cowboy named Laureano Atrevino Gomez. Laureano is a complex character and hard to describe, but let me try. He’s a horse's ass. (Wow, that was way easier than I thought.) Laureano looks up at the sky and sees the Venusian ship landing but thinks it's a shooting star. He makes a wish, hoping to meet a pretty girl. Laureano breaks out into a song about the firmament. Which is fitting because if there’s one word that describes these girls it’s "firm"-ament. Las gringas have grande globos!
Gamma’s rocket ship lands in a wooded area near a cave which they'll use to house the prisoners. The ship’s elevator descends to the ground and out pops Gamma, dressed in her business casual one-piece bathing suit and Beta, who has changed into a sheer, black little number. When they discover the air is breathable (and why waste time finding that out by using the ship’s instruments), they become so happy that they seductively hug themselves in the warm Mexico climate. Gamma is packing heat, but instead of pointing it on this strange, possibly dangerous new world, she carries it like a purse. Gamma decides they will go into town and she commands Tor to repair the ship. Gamma, have you seen how slow Tor moves? He can barely walk let alone climb under the hood of a rocket! Laureano enjoys going into the local saloons and getting lots of attention by telling wild stories. This time, he claims he faced two bandits but only had one bullet. To defeat both bandits, he held a knife to the end of the gun barrel. The bullet split into two halves, each one taking out a bandit. One half hit a bandit in the eye and so could only cry a trickle rather than tears.
But his ridiculous stories have angered a big, fat guy named Ruberto who looks like a Latino Ralph Kramden from The Honeymooners. Laureano then claims to have found dinosaurs and a 16-point stag with blue eyes. But then he changes the story to a French bear with blue eyes (Are you beginning to see why this might get annoying?) He says he was nose-to-nose with the bear and then threw crap in its eyes. Ruberto says, "Where did you get the crap?" Laureano replies, “At this point, I was swimming in it!" Then he claims to have shot the stag in the hoof AND through the head from 1,000 meters away. When Roberto asks how, he replies, “The stag was scratching it's face.” Everyone laughs except for Roberto who threatens to shoot him. But Laureano buys him a drink and he’s in the clear. If that’s all it takes, I would've offered him two drinks to shoot him.
Later on, Laureano is back wishing on a star for a girl. He might as well wish on a star because after that display in the saloon, he's not getting a date through word of mouth. Suddenly, he bumps into Gamma and Beta. And as they say in the Mexico 'hood: Feliz Navi-damn these chicks are hot! Understandably, the ladies are very excited to find a human being like themselves. Unsure of the language, the ladies try many different tongues before discovering Spanish is his cup of tea. When he informs them they're in Mexico, Gamma uses the Command Belt to immobilize him and then uses it to view Tor's visor which can surf the web! I'm not kidding - Tor's visor Googles Mexico! The ladies ask if all the men on Earth are like him. Not realizing they mean to kidnap him, Laureano tells them he’s the “finest stock.” That said, the ladies have found their prize. But I have to ask, are these ladies really doing a thorough job? They're taking the first guy they meet? Why not use the Command Belt to locate a Mr. Universe contest? Or find men they way real life beauties do: visit monster conventions until they find the guy with the best web site? When Laureano asks if they're traveling with a circus they decide that is the best subterfuge. They freeze him again and when he comes to, the women are gone and he thinks he imagined the whole thing. Gamma and Beta return to the ship, and tell the Regent of Venus that they've found the perfect Earth male.
Back in Mexico, the rocket lands and Tor carries the monsters (each one frozen in a large block of ice) to a nearby cave. Once inside, Gamma commands Tor to thaw them out. Tor's claw releases a mist that instantly defrosts the monsters. Gamma tells the monsters once repairs to the ship are made, they will be shanghaied to Venus. But they demand to be returned to their respective planets. Crassus, the spider monster, goes so far as to say he'll enjoy dining on their entrails by the light of Utirr and its 7 moons (sounds kind of romantic when he puts it that way). Zok says that his wrath will be terrible (Try to remember Zok’s threat because we'll refer to it during the final battle at the end of the movie.) By the way - Zok literally a walking skeleton. Now, I don't know if anyone sat Gamma down and explained the birds and the bees, but Zok might have some problems reproducing. In an act of desperation, the monsters attack only to be flash-frozen by the Command Belt again. Historically speaking, one of your more short-lived rebellions. Gamma says, “Tor, you must hurry with the repairs!” Tor isn’t exactly built for speed. Maybe he's not getting enough air flow. I’d recommend cleaning his lint trap. Gamma and Beta visit Laureano's house where he introduces them to his little brother, Chuy, who's about 12 years old. Laureano agrees to let them stay because they're circus folk. After all, it is everybody's dream to let strange carnies walk around in their house while they sleep! All of a sudden, Gamma summons Tor and her robot companion appears in the living room. Laureano and Chuy are naturally terrified. Tor reaches out to Chuy but Laureano warns him to stay away. Gamma says, “It's OK...he likes him.” Laureano replies, “Raw or cooked?!” But Tor gently scoops up Chuy in his metal arms and rocks him gently while playing a song. (Even though Tor seems harmless, I’d be a little concerned about those metal edges accidentally opening an artery.)
Laureano asks the ladies if they are single or married (Gotta hand it to Laureano, not letting a little thing like materializing a robot in his home kill the mood.) Confused by the question of marital statis, Gamma immobilizes him then asks Tor what “love” is. But “love” is not registered in his memory banks. When they ask Laureano to explain love, he says, “let's put a 20 in the juke to set the mood. Hey, Chuy, where's that 20 with the string?” (Translation for young readers: He’s referring to a 20-centavo coin with a string taped to it so you can put the coin in to activate the juke box, then pull it out again. Now let me explain what a juke box is…) Laureano plays a record and sings a love song. One line of the song goes, “Love is always between two. Because between three, well now, that's just French.” (Whoa! A menage et trios reference in a b-movie!) After the song, the ladies ask what happens after the wedding. Laureano says, “the wedding night...Chuy, cover your ears.” Tor covers Chuy’s ears with his big metal pincers (easy there, Vincent Van Gogh!) When Gamma bats her eye lashes, Laureano tells his little brother, “Go see if the pig gave birth yet!” on his way out, Chuy, who apparently knows all about the birds and the bees, yells back, “The one who gives birth ain't gonna be the pig!” When Laureano gives Gamma a gentle kiss, she melts saying, “Interesting discovery.” However Beta, not wanting to be outdone, plants one on him, giving him a funny feeling south of the border. Beta asks if she can keep him but Gamma, visibly upset, says she doesn't have the authorization to grant that request (then adds, “b*itch!” in her head.) Beta, incensed, goes back to the ship in a huff. Great, Gamma, now you’ve angered the woman from the Planet of Shadows. Laureano asks Gamma to leave the circus saying, “There's only so many flips before the trapeze breaks and it will only hurt you and me.” You'll have to admit, that’s a pretty smooth line considering it needed to be circus-related!
On the ship, Tor says they can blast off in the morning. Gamma is conflicted with her feelings for Laureano and her dedication to the mission. Using a two-way television device, Gamma calls for Beta to return to the ship. Gamma watches her on the TV and sees that she’s now sporting long fangs! Beta's a vampire! And she's looking for some Mexican blood that's Jalepeno hot! She swoops down, unfazed by that pesky sunlight-kills-me rule, and drains a couple of quarts from a drunk guy waddling out of a saloon. (If Beta's the type who enjoys an alcoholic beverage, then this guy's a win-win because she's getting blood that's .05.) Gamma tells Tor to bring Beta to the ship – so he teleports! (For a robot who’s made of duct pipe, Tor's got skills!) When he reaches Beta she doesn't want to go with him. But fortunately he’s also equipped with either telekinesis or some sort of vampire magnet in his pincers! He raises his arms and she’s drawn into his clutches and he teleports them both back to the ship. Gamma tattles to the Regent of Venus, who states, “Drinking human blood is the worst crime in the galaxy.” (Kidnapping -- eh, not so much.) The punishment: disintegration! Ouch! Or maybe it doesn't hurt -- who knows. When Beta learns of her fate she pleads to Gamma, “You can't do this! We're like sisters!” (That's true – sisters always try to steal each other's boyfriends!) But when Gamma refuses to help, Beta throws her in prison and takes control of Tor with the Command Belt. Beta now has a new mission: to ally herself with the male aliens and feed on Earthlings. Beta goes to the cave and thaws out the monsters. She tells them they will be destroyed because Laureano is already the council’s favorite. So they decide to join forces and ravage the Earth. She tells Crassus, “I know you'll find the Earth children to your liking.” To the skeleton, Zok, she gives the women. To Uk, the super strong Cyclops, he gives all the animals. She tells the short, big-brained guy, Tawal, that the two of them can enjoy blood together if he agrees to become her king. Tawal accepts even though he says he finds her human form “repulsive.”
Moments later, Uk, perhaps tired of Gamma’s prison food, enters the barn and heads straight for Laureano's cow named Lolobrijida! (Oh, no -- not poor Lolo!) Uk charges at the gentle bovine and digs in like John Madden at an Outback Steakhouse. In hindsight, the only one who could’ve saved poor Lolo is Laureano who’s outside and mistakes Uk’s growl for a train. That might be understandable except he admits that a train hasn’t passed through town in 3 years. Later, Laureano finds Lolo’s remains, discovers footprints leading out of the barn and says, “His feet are too big to be from around here.” True. You might also notice the footprints also have THREE TOES! Columbo follows the footprints outside until they suddenly end. This leaves poor, confused (oh, who are we kidding – stupid) Laureano to conclude it must have been a kangaroo. A kangaroo that...y'know...ate his cow. Suddenly, Uk appears and pushes over a tree just missing Laureano but sort of clipping his horse (No animals were hurt all that much in the making of this film). Laureano, still somehow not understanding the danger, says, “So he wants a fight, now! You're an ugly one! Don't try to scare me!” (It just occurred to me – maybe his little brother Chuy is the one that looks after Laureano and not the other way around.) Next, Uk attacks Laureano’s horse by raising his arms and swatting in a downward motion (the Tor Johnson death strike!) The horse is killed instantly leaving me to hope that, if there is such a thing as reincarnation, I never come back as a farm animal that Laureano is supposed to protect.
When Laureano's bullets don't harm the monster, he decides to try hand-to-hand combat. The beast throws him to the ground causing Laureano to say, “This is an uneven fight!” (Yes, Uk pushing the tree over should have given you the first clue.) Finally, FINALLY, Laureano gives up and tries to run away but Crassus, Tawal and Zok show up and he finds himself surrounded. Laureano says, “A bunch of rebels without causes around here!” (Please, please one of you eat this guy already!) The monsters reach out to grab him but the liter of Brillo Cream in his hair makes him too slippery to hold onto. Back on the spaceship, the evil Beta watches Laureano's hysterics with her monitoring device (TV) then commands Tor to retrieve Laureano. Beta then discusses her plan to rule the Earth. This kind of talk excites both Tawal and Crassus and they begin to (“put the moves on” Beta (note to self: remove your eyes with melon baller.) Uk gets so riled up, he picks a fight with Tor. They clash! Tree-uprooting Uk vs. ice block lifting Tor! But, since both monsters can barely move their arms, the damage is…y’know…minimal. On the ship, Beta tells Laureano that she finally has him all to herself, “to do with as she pleases.” But he says he only has eyes for Gamma. When Beta lies, telling him she's from Venus, Laureano says, “Venusians? I thought you were white girls!”
Beta tells Laureano she needs to show him something outside. Unbeknownst to anyone, Laureano's little bro Chuy has been loitering outside the ship. When Laureano and Beta leave the elevator, Chuy jumps on without being noticed. Inside the ship, Chuy is so awed by its vastness that he accidentally backs into a control lever that starts the ship. Frightened more, he backs into the jail cell and the cell door closes locking him inside. I bet Chuy’s thinking, “Can I get a re-do on that?” Beta leads Laureano into the cave where he is reunited with the monsters that nearly killed him. She demands that he tell her everything he told Gamma, only don’t say it, sing it! LADY, HAVE YOU HEARD HIM SING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO US?! He sings a song about, “you, me, the moon, the sun.” Beta enjoys it so much she not only puts her plans for world domination on hold, she also joins him for a dance and a duet! In fact, she gets so swept up in the only male she’s seen without a thorax, that she kisses him. Laureano uses this moment to grab the Command Belt she left on the rock and makes a break for it, nearly being roasted alive by Beta’s flame-throwing gun! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned by a loser. Laureano jukes his way past the monsters (you're not gonna feast on anyone that way, boys) and runs out of the cave. When Beta follows, she's suddenly not only sporting vampire teeth but also a black sequin outfit! Just outside the ship, Laureano pushes a button on the command belt and comically begins to levitate (as if dangled by fishing line). The elevator on the ship finally opens and he's safely inside.
Unable to figure out the controls, Laureano says, “Come on – throw me a bone, here!” Laureano throws down his hat in disgust, accidentally tossing the same lever that Chuy pulled (they really need to attach The Club on that thing! Moments before Beta and monsters reach the ship, it blasts off with Laureano, Gamma, Chuy and Tor inside. Within seconds, the ship is in orbit around the earth. (Did you know there's an actual grid on the Earth itself? I didn’t know globes were THAT accurate! The next time I’m sailing my schooner near Easter Island, I’m going to climb up to the crow’s nest, get out my pirate-style, brass telescope and look for one of those giant, blue, “Ocean Currents” arrows.) Gamma regains control of the ship and she maneuvers yet another landing on Earth. (Where is she getting all the fuel for this mission?! Gamma must be using a new, hybrid engine - electric and tequila.) Incredibly, she lands in the exact same spot as before (So much for needing a navigator!) She says that, despite her desires, she has to complete her mission and bring Laureano to Venus (Then why did you land again? He's already on board!) Laureano wants to have a heart-to-heart talk with Gamma and tells Chuy to go out and see if it's raining. When Chuy says it isn't, Laureano replies, “Well, SOMETHING’S gonna rain down on you if you don't get out of here!” Gamma suddenly remembers the monsters are still on the loose. Laureano and Gamma go back outside armed with the gun and start walking toward the cave (Gamma traverses the rocky terrain in her best hiking pumps.) Laureano says, “The cave is nasty-looking. I wonder how we'll get out?” What do you mean how will you get out? – you just escaped from there already! But before they can even enter the cave, the super-stretchy arm of spider-guy Crassus reaches out and takes the gun from Laureano hands. Crassus’ sharp claws threaten to open him up like a Pinata. Gamma says, “I'll summon Tor to help.” But when she does, she accidentally transports Chuy on the scene as well, right in the middle of the alien horde. Just a few feet away, Tor locks into battle with super strong Uk. Now, you might think that Uk’s tree-uprooting strength would put a strain on Tor’s sheet metal arms, but before Uk can say, “Someone toss me a pair of tin snips,” Tor uses his electric zapping pincers to set Uk’s face on fire! Stop, drop and roll, Uk!!!
Little Chuy finds himself face-to-face with the small but big-brained Tawal. I’m worried – what will he do to poor little Chuy?! With that big brain, Tawal probably has mental powers that could destroy him or wipe his mind like a clean slate or…OH! Chuy just crushed his eyeball with a sling shot. Tawal’s eye explodes like an egg. OK, well that’s all well and good but it’s only a matter of time before…OH! Tawal’s entire head is melting into a grotesque froth. Wow! Good work, Chuy -- you can pick out one sticker from the bowl. By the way, do you know who isn’t in this fight? Who’s actually nowhere to be found? Zok! He’s the one who said back in the cave, “Our wrath will be terrible!” He must’ve had second thoughts about what contribution a walking animal skeleton would bring to a street fight. Laureano yells, “Gamma, look out! There’s a vulture heading toward you!” But it's no vulture, it's vampire Beta swooping down! Gamma, in classic monster movie-style, stumbles backwards to the ground (Should’ve worn the hiking heels with the deep-grooved lug soles.) As Beta swoops in for the kill, she doesn't notice a jagged branch sticking out of the log next to Gamma. Beta swoops down and impales herself – a makeshift wooden stake through the heart! (Just to recap: Wooden stakes kill Venusian vampires, sunlight doesn’t.) Meanwhile, Laureano tricks Crassus into biting his own hand with his venomous fangs and the monster falls over dead on top of Laureano, pinning him underneath. In the heat of battle, Chuy and Gamma did not witness this, so when they hear Laureano’s cries coming from underneath the monster, they assume it at him and he’s crying out…from…the monster’s stomache (I know, right? Dumb, these two? Just a little.) Eventually, they get it all sorted out and Laureano uses the flame gun to burn all the monster bodies so nobody discovers them.
Gamma and Laureano return to the ship and tell the Regent of Venus the mission's a failure but Tor has everything recorded. (Is there anything he can't do?) Gamma says Tor will bring the ship back to Venus but she's staying on Earth with Laureano. Really? That's the decision you two came up with? To hang out in that dingy bar listening to his horribly stupid stories while Venus dies out? And he gave up the chance to service beautiful Venusian women for the rest of his life? (Sigh) Whatever. In the final scene we see Tor piloting the ship and he's brought along the juke box as a romantic travel companion. Easy, big fella or you’re going to blow a pump seal. So all's well that ends well (except of course for Venus), but I'm still wondering: What happened to Zok? Did they forget about him or are they not concerned with what little damage a walking skeleton could do? Does Zok have any super powers? None that I know of. He’s got teeth although they don’t look very sharp and no jaw muscles to bite down with. So is Zok's plan of conquest to just nip at people and move on? I’m trying to imagine the scene – let’s say there’s a group of campers happily whistling while unloading their RV. Suddenly, Zok corners them and yells in his native tongue, “My wrath will be terrible,” then bites someone on the forearm. That person yells, “Ahh! That really hurts! Son of a bitch!” Then a second person, while suggesting the first person puts a little Neosporin on that, shatters Zok with a waffle iron. World domination attempt thwarted, camping trip nearly ruined but not enough to pack up everything and go home. Zok is defeated but don't throw away his bones - they'll be good for making soup! |
