I Was a Teenage Frankenstein (1957)

   When the original Dr. Henry Frankenstein assembled a human being from dead body parts, you would think someone in the medical community would have remembered. Yet, years later, in the opening sequence of I Was a Teenage Frankenstein, when Dr. Frankenstein (a descendant of the baron) proposes the same idea to his colleagues at a university seminar, he is practically laughed out of the room. "Bringing the dead back to life is preposterous!", one skeptic yells. (HIS NAME IS DR. FRANKENSTEIN!!! RING ANY BELLS???) Nevertheless, Dr. F has only Dr. Carlton, a colleague and pretty much the most gullible man you're ever going to find, to help him achieve his secret experiment.

We learn that Dr. F was born and raised in England which is hilarious since the actor that portrays him, Whit Bissell, speaks with an American accent. (C'mon, Whit...anyone can do at least a bad British accent! Just say stuff like, "Cheerio" or "My good man".) Instead Whit tries to convince us by saying things like, "The knowledge, the 'know-how', as you Americans put it,..." .

At any rate, Dr. Frankenstein unveils his plan to Dr. Carlton: To create, from dead tissue, a normal-looking human that would learn to function in society. Carlton flatly refuses, stating it would be "too gruesome". Suddenly, they hear a car accident. What luck! Two cars filled with healthy young teenagers have collided and are engulfed in flames. One of the gawking bystanders explains to the doctors that one teenager was thrown from the car and landed farther down the road. Moments later, Dr. Frankenstein and the "moral" Dr. Carlton smuggle the dead teen into the lab in a body bag!

Dr. Carlton, who moments before was horrified at the thought, now helps the mad doctor like a kid forced to do something on a dare. Dr. F puts Carlton's fears to rest by saying that with both cars burned up, the police will never know they took the body (except for a street full of witnesses who watched them steal the dead body from the scene). Dr. F puts the body in his makeshift morgue where he has, over time, compiled the equipment necessary for his experiment. Apparently, the process of raising the dead is handed down in the Frankenstein family like some bizarre family recipe.

Later that evening, he is toasted at a lavish bon voyage at the University. He catches the eye of Margaret his lovely assistant/nurse. They have grown fond of one another and when he asks her to be his assistant/girlfriend, she jumps at the chance. I guess a girl can't resist European men with Florida accents.

Back at the lab, after the docs have amputated the teen's damaged limbs, Dr. F unveils his plan for disposing of evidence so it will never be discovered by the police: an alligator pit in the basement! He's supposed to be a guest lecturer at a university. When did he have the time, resources or permission to have an alligator pit installed? Where did he even get the alligator??? To get the replacement limbs they need for their monster, the docs dig up recently-deceased athletes from a cemetery, specifically the powerful hands of a wrestler and the leg of a football star.

Days later, when the monster finally awakens, Dr. F says, "Speak! You've got a civil tongue in your head! I know -- I sewed it there myself!" Classic. Meanwhile, Margarite has grown angry at being left alone constantly and decides to get nosey about the secret project. When Dr. F gives her a disciplinary slap across the face, Margaret finds the will to play super-sleuth and discovers what he's been working on! (Hey lady -- his name's DR. FRANKENSTEIN! TAKE A WILD GUESS!)

Dr. F retains control of his Schwarzenegger-shaped monster by promising him what all teens want most -- a pretty face. But, tired of being kept in his room, the creature opts for a night on the town. But, adventure turns to voyeurism when he spots a hot blonde through a window preparing for bed. When her screams startle him, he kills her by placing his hand on her face (???). When the prodigal prowler returns, Dr. F gives him a good talking to! (I notice you're not slapping HIM on the face, Dr. tough guy!)

Margaret confesses to the good doctor that she's discovered the monster. Dr. F gains her trust so that she's caught unaware when the monster kills her. Moments later, she's alligator food. As a reward for killing Margaret, the doc drives the creature to lover's lane and lets him pick out any face he wants. The monster picks out a heart throb, kills him in front of his date and they take him back to the lab. All seems right with the world. Dr. F says even the police effort to track down his monster has failed because "the police have other crimes to worry about" (The Giant Claw must be on the loose again).

But what happens when the monster, now bearing the face of a local missing teen, is featured in newspapers? Won't the teen's family be outraged? Dr. F. also has a plan for this as well: they're going to disassemble the creature, pack him in crates with false bottoms, and take him to England. (I guess if Americans have never heard of the original European Frankenstein, they'll never hear about this monster in Europe!) Dr. Carlton insists that this part of the plan is much too fiendish! (Y'know Doc -- you stole someone's family member from an accident scene so he could become a living zombie! I think it's too late to preach.)

Naturally, the creature also isn't crazy about this plan. Preferring not to be sliced and diced, he turns on his creators. His muscular arms enabling him to break his iron shackles (???), he takes on both doctors at once until the unflappable Dr. Carlton runs away, leaving Dr. Frankenstein to be thrown into his own alligator pit! A fitting end. But wait! Carlton returns to the lab with the cops who back the creature into some electrical equipment which zaps the movie from black and white into Technicolor! (I'm not kidding.) It's hard to tell if the Frankenstein monster dies from electrocution or a bad acid trip.

The film ends here but I would have enjoyed seeing Dr. Carlton, accomplice and the only one left alive, talk his way out of this one. As in most crimes, the stooge is always left holding the bag.