| The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)
In the world of atomic age monster movies, there is no actor quite as entertaining
as Tor Johnson, the star of The Beast of Yucca Flats. Mainstream moviestars,
like Robert Deniro or Harrison Ford, rivet your attention to the screen with
their acting even if the film has nothing else going for it. But in b-movies,
the props usually steal the show. Robots, spaceships or monsters capture your
attention while the leading men are just faces in the crowd. Then there's Tor
Johnson! Consider Tor the Harrison Ford of cheaply-made monster movies. Look
at the amazing similarities:
- Harrison has his charming, crooked
smile; Tor has his famous open-mouth look of horror.
- Harrison has that scar on his chin; Tor has bumps on his head.
- Harrison uses a powerful right cross
to knock out villains; Tor uses both hands to gently swat his
opponents to the ground where they pretend to be rendered
unconscious.
- Harrison uses a whip in the Indiana Jones
movies; Tor receives a few lashes across the back by Bela Lugosi
in Bride
of the Monster.
Two leading men, in two different genres, both captivating on the
big screen and their common denominator is
you can't wait to see what they'll do next! Just as Harrison Ford puts the adventure
in Raiders of the Lost Ark,
Tor puts the yuck in The Beast of Yucca
Flats.
Swedish ex-wrestler Tor Johnson plays Joseph
Javorsky, defecting Russian scientist, who flies
to the nuclear testing grounds in Yucca Flats,
Nevada, to deliver KGB documents to U.S. "top brass". What Javorsky
doesn't realize is that he's being followed by two Russian agents
(who, even when put together, still don't equal 1 Tor Johnson).
Their orders (or "hours" as
the narrator pronounces it) are to kill Javorsky
and bring the briefcase back to Russia.
Javorsky leads the agents on a car chase with speeds exceeding well
over 30 miles per hour! Guns blaze! (O.K. they
don't really blaze, smoke or do anything, but the actors
make the pistols recoil in their hands like mad! And sometimes they just hold them motionless,
while gunfire sound effects are played.) The camera, for some reason, was placed
on the front seat so, you feel like a 5-year-old trying to see over the dashboard!
You can only see sky and a few mountaintops going by! Lenin only knows what
the director was thinking on this one.
His car forced off the road, Tor flees on foot. Oh, to see Tor flee on foot.
Because of his wrestling style, he seems to
tippy toe everywhere, off-balance, mouth open, always with
the look of a terrified carp on his face. Except
this fish swims into an atom bomb test site!
The ensuing blast is devastating! It knocks Javorsky to the ground and sets the
edges of his briefcase aflame!
Later that day, a young vacationing couple pulls off the road to
fix a flat tire. The husband no sooner has
the jack out of the trunk than he is quickly choked to death by New Radioactive
Javorsky with Scarred Face and Kung Fu Grip. In fact, it's so sudden,
the victim doesn't struggle or even make a
sound. He just closes his eyes and dies as soon as Tor touches
him. Could've been the radiation, could've
been Tor's body odor in the desert heat. You make the call.
But the real magic happens a moment later when big old Javorsky
chokes the girl in the car by reaching from
the BACK SEAT without
her noticing a 400 lb. man got into the car!
This guy's Javorsky Copperfield! After killing the girl,
The Beast of Yucca Flats carries the girl off
into the wasteland , because ... well ... that's just
what monsters do!
The dead husband is spotted by a passing motorist who reports the
discovery to Joe Dobson, patrolman. The passerby
must be experienced in crime scene investigating because, after just glancing
at the victim, he tells the patrolman, "It looks like he's been choked." The
narrator says of Javorsky, "Once a giant, humble man, radioactivity
has reduced him to nothing." NOTHING?! He's
a giant, rampaging engine of destruction!" But
it does beg the question: What DID it do to
him? He's not exactly breathing radioactive
fire and I'm pretty sure this big Russian could've
choked people before the accident.
Patrolman Joe and his partner Jim track
Javorsky to a hidden cave where they find the strangled girl.
They rescue the dearly departed and track the creature over rocky
terrain that couldn't possibly leave any footprints behind. The
patrolmen somehow come to the conclusion that the beast is on
top of a mile-high plateau. Alrighty then. Jim
decides the only way to get to the plateau is to parachute
down from the top of the mountain! I don't know what they paid patrolmen
in those days, but it must have been a bundle!
Meanwhile, two boys, separated from their parents on vacation, wander
aimlessly through the dangerous wasteland. The dutiful father disregards a warning
sign that reads, "missile test site" and searches for his boys. Meanwhile, Javorsky,
the atomic-powered engine of destruction, has now taken to walking
with a tree branch as a cane! Whatever affect the radiation had on Javorsky,
it didn't give him superhuman endurance!
But the lost vacationers aren't in danger from the beast, but rather,
from Jim the psychotic patrolman! Because, when he spots Dad, he takes
out a rifle and opens fire! Some of this horror is humorously lightened
by the fact that he's being fired upon by a man with a rifle but the shots are
rapid like it was a six-shooter. The "dangerous" Dad is eventually brought
down by gunfire and the atrocious murder is later explained by the narrator as, "Shoot
first, ask questions later." Oh, they'll be questions, my friend, like: "Why,
officer, did you circle my defenseless husband in a plane, murder him, and leave
him to the coyotes?" In any case, Jim, confident that Yucca Flats is now safe
from all middle-aged fathers in checkered shirts, makes his daring jump from
the plane.
But low and behold, Daddy is still alive! What does all this have to do
with the Beast of Yucca Flats? I have no idea! But now we have a cat and mouse
game between a patrolman and an innocent father of two! Dad finally makes his
way back to the car, and this is where the funniest scene of the movie takes
place: His wife frantically asks, "What's going on?!! Where's that shooting
coming from?" Dad jumps in the car and drives off exclaiming, "You
stay here! I'll go for help!" thereby losing his Husband of the Year
nomination. I thought I'd die laughing.
Meanwhile, on top of the plateau, his two unsuspecting sons sleep
under a tree, just as Javorsky creeps up on them. They wake up in time to see
the mad Russian creeping closer and they make a run for it. Javorsky 's 400 pound
frame is obviously in no shape to chase youngsters, so he just yells and waves
his cane at them like an old man telling some kids to stay off his lawn. Eventually,
the kids are cornered in a cave, but when the beast discovers his dead girl is
missing, the narrator says he "unleashes his rage." At that, Javorsky commences
waving his arms up and down. I can't tell if he's acting or trying to balance
his enormous girth on all those desert stones.
Perhaps sensing that his balancing
act may have diminished some of his terrifying presence, the colossal comrade
lifts a rock (a real rock, not a Star Trek foam rock) the size of a laundry
basket over his head and heaves it off a cliff! That was seriously
cool! His rage spent, Javorsky goes into the cave and falls asleep.
The boys, not wishing to follow the rock off the cliff, wisely
decide to lay low.
Eventually, they slip past the sleeping beast,
but are soon chased by Javorsky again! He lets out a roar that
must have paled in comparison to the one Mother Johnson let out
when she gave birth to this big boy! The only way the voluminous
Javorsky can keep up with the running kids is because the film editor chops
out the parts where the boys gain distance on him. Also, the boys purposely run
slow and fall down a lot. All this makes for one compelling chase scene!
Soon, the patrolmen catch up to the beast and fire a single shot
into his back, bringing him to the ground! Cautiously, they approach him. Feigning
weakness, Javorsky does as any monster would: He knocks the patrolmen
to the ground and puts them in a wrestling hold! As Tor twists his
co-stars necks in unusual positions, it sometimes appears as if he really is
hurting them, if only by accident. But three more bullets finally bring down
the cumbersome Commie once and for all.
Well, almost...he's still slowly rolling around in the brush. As he dies, a
little baby jackrabbit wanders over to his face. He holds it and kisses it,
then releases it back into the wild ("It wasn't the bullets that got him...it was BUNNY that
killed the beast!"). Then, Javorsky dies (still moving) slowly, dies... (TOR,
YOU'RE STILL MOVING! STOP MOVING!). At this point, Javorsky looks
more like he's having a restless night's sleep than dying.
THE END
Oh, yeah...The kids are returned to their parents and Dad is glad to be alive
until his wife tells everyone how he left her in the desert to die in the hands
of a gunman. Then he wishes he was dead.
THE END
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